Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Today's sign of the impending apocalypse

From David Borowitz:

Actress Renee Zellweger, who filed for an annulment of her marriage to country singer Kenny Chesney last week on the grounds of “fraud,” specified the nature of that fraud today, telling reporters that Mr. Chesney had claimed to her that Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction.

The Oscar-winning actress held a press conference in Los Angeles to discuss the details of the annulment proceedings, telling reporters that Mr. Chesney’s phony weapons claims about the former Iraqi strongman were at the heart of her complaint.

“Throughout our courtship, Kenny told me that he had proof that Saddam Hussein was a threat because he possessed weapons of mass destruction,” Ms. Zellweger said. “I told him, you had me at ‘weapons.’”

But in the first weeks of their marriage, Ms. Zellweger said, she grew suspicious that there was less to Mr. Chesney’s weapons charges than met the eye and pressed him for proof that the Iraqi madman actually had WMD.

When the platinum-selling recording artist could not furnish proof about the evildoer’s weapons, Ms. Zellweger cried fraud and then filed for an annulment, she said.

A spokesman for Mr. Chesney said that he had hoped that elections in Iraq and a new constitution there would save their marriage, but that ultimately Ms. Zellweger remained unmoved.

For her part, Ms. Zellweger seemed satisfied with her decision to annul the union, giving reporters this parting shot: “Mission accomplished.”

Elsewhere, Apple Computer today introduced the iPod Figment™, a portable musical device so tiny that it is invisible to the naked eye and may not actually exist.

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