Saturday, October 08, 2005

Strange names

I used to play a game with a formaer colleague, where we would research people with strange names. I haven't done it in a while, but now I have a forum where literally dozens of people can read. here are a few I have known along the way.

In Mobile Al alone you'll find:

A Dr. Barial and a Dr. Graves(who operated on me, no less)

A veterinarian named Dr. Slaughter

A minister named Anis Shorrosh

This is my personal favorite: A husband and wife medical practice. The husband was named Steve Smelly. His wife's name was Lisa Lott, and she hyphenated her name, so the sign on the door read: Steve Smelly and Lisa Lott-Smelly.

I swear I am not making this up.


Remember Siniglets? Ooh I just love them. Here are some, and more, obviously, will follow:

Aeropalmics (ayr o palm' iks) - n. The study of wind resistance conducted by holding a cupped hand out the car window.

Agonosis (ah uh no' sis) - n. The syndrome of tuning into "Wide World of Sports" every Saturday just to watch the skier rack himself.

Aquadextrous - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib' re um) - n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.

Arachnidiot (ar ak ni' di ot) - n. A person, who, having wandered into an "invisible" spider web, begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

Bazookacidal Tendencies (bah zew' kuh sy dal ten' den seez) - n. The overwhelming desire of most individuals to reach out and pop the gigantic gum bubble billowing from someone's mouth.

Bovilexia (bo vil eks' e uh) - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!" every time you pass a cow.

Bowlikinetics (boh lih kih neh' tiks) - n. The act of trying to control a released bowling ball by twisting one's body in the direction one wants it to go.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Thanks Dad

The coach of the Tennessee Lady Vol basketball team is Pat Summitt, who is a legend here. Her maiden name is Head. Yes, her parents named her Pat Head.

And her father's name?

Drumroll please: Richard

In case Dave is looking

I just sent an email to Dave Barry, who is a hero of sorts to me. After my dysfunctional upbringing and a succession of embarrassing and humiliating personal events, he is one of my greatest sources of inspiration for my attempts at humor. Really, that's what they are. I just want to state for the record that I have stolen/used some of his blog entries as inspiration/ for some of my entries. Call it what you want, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Dumbest Pun of the day, part two

You remember Ghandi, right?

Well, he walked verywhere in bare feet, which made them very leathery.

He also fasted a lot, which made him thin and frail.

A side effect of the fasting was persistent bad breath.

Well... this made him a super calloused,
fragile mystic,
vexed by halitosis.

To think I went to college for six years.

Dumbest pun of the day, part one

What do you get when you cross an owl with a pirate's parrot?

A bird that hoots from the ship.

Yes I'm back

Wow, sorry I was gone so long. I got caught up with end of month deadlines. I promise I'll get back to business as the night wears on. I have lots of stuff to say and link, so I'll get right to it.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I'm glad my dog can't handle weapons

Otherwise I wouldn't get away with this.

Britney Spears update

The first pictures of Britney's baby are out, and from the looks of this, she may have her hands full.

Latest evidence that squirrels are taking over the planet


Here, and here.

I have found overwhelming evidence that squirrels are indeed plotting world domination.

Notable Birthdays

Grandma McCullough - 111th anniversary of her birth

Happy birthday to two old farts.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Don't get stuck on stupid

This is making the rounds of the conservative blogs. I found it, and had to paste it in. this comes from RadioBlogger, and is the transcript of a press conference with Gen. Honore, who officially is THE MAN. I loved this so much it gave me goosebumps. Here's the full post:

Don't get stuck on stupid

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin held a press conference a little bit ago, and started losing control to a media pool assembled that was showing signs of panic, due to the previous incompetence in the region by the local and state government. Lt. Gen. Russel Honore stepped in and literally took over. Here's what he had to say:


Honore: And Mr. Mayor, let's go back, because I can see right now, we're setting this up as he said, he said, we said. All right? We are not going to go, by order of the mayor and the governor, and open the convention center for people to come in. There are buses there. Is that clear to you? Buses parked. There are 4,000 troops there. People come, they get on a bus, they get on a truck, they move on. Is that clear? Is that clear to the public?

Female reporter: Where do they move on...

Honore: That's not your business.

Male reporter: But General, that didn't work the first time...

Honore: Wait a minute. It didn't work the first time. This ain't the first time. Okay? If...we don't control Rita, you understand? So there are a lot of pieces of it that's going to be worked out. You got good public servants working through it. Let's get a little trust here, because you're starting to act like this is your problem. You are carrying the message, okay? What we're going to do is have the buses staged. The initial place is at the convention center. We're not going to announce other places at this time, until we get a plan set, and we'll let people know where those locations are, through the government, and through public announcements. Right now, to handle the number of people that want to leave, we've got the capacity. You will come to the convention center. There are soldiers there from the 82nd Airborne, and from the Louisiana National Guard. People will be told to get on the bus, and we will take care of them. And where they go will be dependent on the capacity in this state. We've got our communications up. And we'll tell them where to go. And when they get there, they'll be able to get a chance, an opportunity to get registered, and so they can let their families know where they are. But don't start panic here. Okay? We've got a location. It is in the front of the convention center, and that's where we will use to migrate people from it, into the system.

Male reporter: General Honore, we were told that Berman Stadium on the west bank would be another staging area...

Honore: Not to my knowledge. Again, the current place, I just told you one time, is the convention center. Once we complete the plan with the mayor, and is approved by the governor, then we'll start that in the next 12-24 hours. And we understand that there's a problem in getting communications out. That's where we need your help. But let's not confuse the questions with the answers. Buses at the convention center will move our citizens, for whom we have sworn that we will support and defend...and we'll move them on. Let's not get stuck on the last storm. You're asking last storm questions for people who are concerned about the future storm. Don't get stuck on stupid, reporters. We are moving forward. And don't confuse the people please. You are part of the public message. So help us get the message straight. And if you don't understand, maybe you'll confuse it to the people. That's why we like follow-up questions. But right now, it's the convention center, and move on.

Male reporter: General, a little bit more about why that's happening this time, though, and did not have that last time...

Honore: You are stuck on stupid. I'm not going to answer that question. We are going to deal with Rita. This is public information that people are depending on the government to put out. This is the way we've got to do it. So please. I apologize to you, but let's talk about the future. Rita is happening. And right now, we need to get good, clean information out to the people that they can use. And we can have a conversation on the side about the past, in a couple of months.

I think the General just started a movement, and he may not even realize it. Every time a reporter, in any situation, starts spinning, or completely misses the point, they need to be peppered with, "Don't get stuck on stupid."

I'd pay money to see David Gregory in the White House Press Corps foaming at the mouth over something trivial Scott McClellan said, and have McClellan say, "David, you're stuck on stupid. I'm not going to answer that."

I'd have fallen out of my chair if John Roberts would have listened to Joe Biden ramble on, and said, "Don't get stuck on stupid, Senator."

I can see the bumper stickers now. I can even see those stupid rubber wristbands with DGSOS etched in them.

I love General Honore.

Today's sign of the apocalypse, part two

Look here.

Today's sign of the impending apocalypse

From David Borowitz:

Actress Renee Zellweger, who filed for an annulment of her marriage to country singer Kenny Chesney last week on the grounds of “fraud,” specified the nature of that fraud today, telling reporters that Mr. Chesney had claimed to her that Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction.

The Oscar-winning actress held a press conference in Los Angeles to discuss the details of the annulment proceedings, telling reporters that Mr. Chesney’s phony weapons claims about the former Iraqi strongman were at the heart of her complaint.

“Throughout our courtship, Kenny told me that he had proof that Saddam Hussein was a threat because he possessed weapons of mass destruction,” Ms. Zellweger said. “I told him, you had me at ‘weapons.’”

But in the first weeks of their marriage, Ms. Zellweger said, she grew suspicious that there was less to Mr. Chesney’s weapons charges than met the eye and pressed him for proof that the Iraqi madman actually had WMD.

When the platinum-selling recording artist could not furnish proof about the evildoer’s weapons, Ms. Zellweger cried fraud and then filed for an annulment, she said.

A spokesman for Mr. Chesney said that he had hoped that elections in Iraq and a new constitution there would save their marriage, but that ultimately Ms. Zellweger remained unmoved.

For her part, Ms. Zellweger seemed satisfied with her decision to annul the union, giving reporters this parting shot: “Mission accomplished.”

Elsewhere, Apple Computer today introduced the iPod Figment™, a portable musical device so tiny that it is invisible to the naked eye and may not actually exist.

Monday, September 19, 2005

In case anybody wondered...

Okay, control yourselves ladies.

About leaving a comment

I realized my blog was set up to not allow everyone to post a comment. I have changed the settings so that anyone canm comment, but I did activate word verification, because I'm getting hit by spam robots, which leave automatic comments. If you're checking in, please leave a comment on any of my posts, so I know you've been here! Tell all your friends! Alert the media!

The most frightening news story of the day

In Kimberly, British Columbia, in July, trying to establish a Guinness Book record, 644 people at a music festival played their accordions simultaneously for half an hour.

News Headline of the Day

You saw it here first. Note: My wife spotted this.

The Current Katrina Fatality Count

Via Instapundit:

579. That’s the current death toll in Louisiana from the hurricane and catastrophic flooding. Terrible for the victims, their family, their friends.

But also much less than the 10,000 widely predicted.

And, BTW, much less than the more than 35,000 killed by a heat wave in Europe two summers ago.

You recall the debate that set off about European heartlessness, racism and discrimination? No, neither do I.

Howdy to my Genex friends

I just sent a big email to all my co-workers, inviting them to view my new blog. If you came by to visit, then Howdy doo! I promise it will be good clean fun, and the most indelicate word you likely will see will be weiner. I love the first amendment, don't you? Weiner Weiner Weiner.

Governor Blanco on the hot seat?

I don't know if this will succeed, but I think it's a good idea.

Don't Leave Home Without It, Part One

I believe this even has a digital camera!

Sunday, September 18, 2005


Avast ye mates, tomorrow, September 19th, is the big day. Yes it's the annual Talk Like a Pirate day, so get your hooks and put on your eye patches. A big bottle of Captain Morgan's wouldn't hurt either.

Bedtime Post

I couldn't go to bed without putting in at least one post. My beloved Volunteers played a crucial game on primetime TV tonight, and, of course, they lost. The collective psychosis has already started, I'm sure. One day soon I will spend some time to put in a thoughtful post. It's not easy for me, because the overwhelming majority of stuff I write is geared to be scrutinized by opportunistic work comp plaintiff attorneys. It's difficult to get out of butt coverage mode. Also I hope one day to be writing to an audience somewhat larger than myself. Oh well, my sleeping pill will be kicking in soon, and I don't want to wake up with keyboard imprints on my face. UPDATE: I fell asleep at the computer approximately 76 seconds after finishing this post.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I now have a picture of a giant roll of toilet paper on my blog. I can now feel self actualized.

For members of the Martin and Tidwell families

Feel free to send me notes and updates about how the family is doing. Send me an email to, and I will gladly post any update you wish to pass along. T laments that we do not communicate with each other as a family either because we got old, moved far away from each other, or never really liked each other in the first place. Well, this is a chance to get together for a virtual group hug. Just be sure to wash first.

Another great, new blog link

I discovered this today. For those of you out there who understand and appreciate the military successes in Iraq, but are reluctant to sound insensitive to the memories of the heroes who had given their lives so I can sit here in my pajamas and griope about liberals, check this out.

Something I never thought I would hear from Donna Brazille

Donna Brazille is a New Orleans native and worked for Gore in 2000, and Kerry in 2004. This was a nice response to his speech on Thursday.

An interesting article on Katrina

The first of many, many posts I'll be supplying on this subject. Check it out here.

A great link for political commentary

Okay, here's my first shot at posting links. For the millions of you who are checking in, there's a great political blog run by a law professor at the University of Tennessee, Glen Reynolds. It's Instapundit, and you can link to it here. It's conidered one the premier conserviative blogs around, although I think he's a bit on the centrist side. He's very measured in his opinions, and is not a flame thrower, like Polipundit. Those guys are mad.

Everybody is doing well

Just a quick note to let you know everyone is doing well. Anna and MG had a nasty viral form of conjunctivitis, which lasted for five days. They had pinkeye which did not respond to medication, and ran fevers for five days. It's a miracle T and I didn't get it too. I was likley spared because of my protective, inpenatrable layer of fat. I knew I'd find good use for it.

My First Post-don't expect Shakespeare

Hi everybody, and welcome to my blog. Everybody else has already said everything important that could be said, so if you're disappointed, then get over yourself. I'll have more to say and post as time goes along.